Looking back on my childhood days, I could most definitely say that I had a good time just simply being a kid. No worries and no complications then. Life was so simple. All I needed was to cry and throw tantrums if I did not get what I wanted. Just that easy! Of course my childhood would not be as exciting and fun filled without my partner in Crime, my older sister – Ana Mae. She happens to be 4 years older than I am but nonetheless over the years I seem that I gave outgrown her literally that is. She was my constant and ever loyal playmate. We would most normally play "bahay- bahayan" with all the props and of course who can contest, big sis and I were like twins.

Mama liked the idea of dressing us like alike – so it means to say it has to have the same dress cut, same color and same white shoes so as a result people may think that we are just the cutest girls. When my sister started school, I was of course lonely knowing that my playmate will be quite busy playing with other kids. Growing up, although we may experience some petty girlish quarrels over who gets to use the nice blouse or who gets to open the pasalubongs  or who gets to wash the dishes and clean the table or some other stuff – we have managed to become best friends still. Over the years, she has been my constant fashion critic, most trusted confidante, teacher and my shock absorber.

My sister would be best described as someone who is really simple yet strikingly extraordinary. She may seem frail and fragile on the outside but she has a heart on steel when it comes to certain things. She may be silent at times but she can be bossy too and too makulit.Over the years, i have learned to appreciate her opinions and ideas. She has greatly influenced me and that i just sort of developed a habit of looking out for her..

Treating her like she was my young sis! whenever we go out, i always make a comment on how she dresses because i dont want her to wear short skirts and too revealing outfits. We never keep secrets from one another or if we keep one, eventually one would just blurt it out! That's how close we are!  

I could never believe that life may seem so cruel at times. All the while, I thought my life was as simple as it was, in my own fairy tale land. My world was more than enough for me and the people I gladly welcomed into my own reality. I was more than contented, more than happy to exist without much of a fuss about life. I was happy and contented but all these was about to change - my life was about to change because of a boy.

The boy who made me feel like life was about taking chances… the boy who taught me that life is somewhat better when we least expect things to happen.

 Life is about taking chances but in my case, I would rather watch the world pass me by. I am an avid fan of the watch and see scenario rather than taking the big leap. I'd rather take things as they come. I am never that courageous. I don't have the guts to jump right in. I admit I am never a risk taker. I hate taking risks because after all I am afraid of feeling pain. I'd rather be the one who encourages people to take the challenge but I personally try to avoid being placed in a situation wherein I have to make crucial decisions. At this point, I am slowly trying to overcome my great apathy for taking risks. Although, I still am risk averse, I am slowly opening up to the idea that when worst comes to worst, I would have to make the leap but for now, id rather take things slow

I have already gotten used to sleeping in the evening instead of sleeping in the wee hours in the morning. I could now say that my life has become more normal. I have a regular work that keeps me preoccupied on the week days and though, I am just starting to learn the ins and outs of my job, I am enjoying what I have now. My regular day would start about waking up at six-o clock in the morning. By seven, I psyched my self that I should be out from our house and start heading for work by then. Of course, I try to remind my self that skipping the most important meal of the day (Breakfast) would not be a healthy habit for mo so I try not to skip breakfast so to be I may be healthy and just and just avoid the scary scenes of a mother-nagging-to a daughter episodes.

On my way to work, I try to as much savor the moment. I try to observe the passengers on the jeepneys. I look around for interesting events such as rushing school children being accompanied by their parents to school, professionals eagerly checking their watches every fifteen minutes and just the adrenalin of the morning rush. Exactly ten minutes before the clock strikes 8:00 am, I am officially starting my day's work. I have just arrived from the office, I checked all my stuff – cellular phone, wallet and my scribbles… I hardly had the time to groom my self. I hurriedly combed my hair and prepped my office uniform so as to make my self presentable. I don't like wearing make ups, much more wearing a mini skirt for a uniform matched with a two and a half inches of stilettos for my shoes. For more than two months now, I have been trying to condition my self to get used to the idea of me wearing corporate attire (blazer and skirt for my uniform and a high heeled shoes to complete the look). I have been treading the streets of Ma-a to Magallanes and from Magallanes to Sasa wearing the uniform with no unfortunate stories to tell yet so far except for frequently buying stockings and getting the stares from people which by now im already used to.. Working has never been busy but I have to give credit to the people in my department and all other friends from work who made me feel welcomed and untiringly helped me get through my work..

These days, I am happy that I sleep even before 11pm and I eat regularly meaning I don't skip any meals for the day and that I have Saturdays and Sundays as my days off. These days, I am hooked on collecting Japanese dramas, chi-taiwenese or Korean drama series. I just love watching them. I just had a very good month this July. It started with a barkada's wedding and a couple of high school friends of mine were there to witness the wedding bliss. It also served as a mini reunion for all of us. The next week was followed by a night out at MTS with the same group of people and we were on a happy mode for the gimmick. We talked about how men are from mars and of course, women from venus. We had a healthy and very stimulating debates and conversations about men and women in general. We ended the night out in the wee hours of the morning.

The next Friday was even more crazy. We had to meet up with a friend who was leaving for cebu the following day. We decided to meet at a famous Coffee shop and as usual, some people were utterly late. The supposed 8pm meeting started at 9:30pm already. It was a Girls night out and we did not care whether we laughed too loud or carelessly talked about good old days at CEBU. We did not care so as long as we laughed our hearts out. After deciding to leave Bo's, my tummy was already in constant agony. I just remembered that I haven't had a decent meal for the evening. We decided to take a stroll along Torres street and luckily we found TAPS. We stopped for a quick dinner for me and since there were no people around, we gamely decided to take pictures of the famous "kapehan sa Sagingan" before heading out to eat at Jollibee. (which was the only food store open for 24 hrs) I ended the day at around 3:30 in the morning because I still needed to prepare for my beach escapade at Samal. Samal was another adventure. For now, I have to park my pen so to speak..

until then.

I promised myself that I would stay at home for the weekend. I promised myself that I would last the weekend without going out for a gimmick and thankfully, I did survive. Friday night was yet another night for me. I went home with two of my officemates and I studiously watched shows on the television up until 11pm. After 11pm and after all the people have gone to sleep, I was up for something. I watched my Korean vcds. I watched the drama about two Korean students struggling their way through their studies, careers and yes, finding true love. It was a nice drama but for some given reason, I expected the ending to be a bit sad and disappointing. I ended the night just appreciating the drama nonetheless and I slept at around 2'clock in the morning. I woke at around 11 in the morning, just in time for lunch. I ate my lunch hastily and after that, I went back to my room to sleep once again.

I was planning to go out to a nearby mall but laziness got the best of me, so ended up sleeping again. I woke up at around 3 in the afternoon. Mama was kinda giving me hints that I should be up now. I woke up and found myself preparing our merienda – the famous hotcake. I was supposed to meet with friends to watch Sukob but I decided to be a homebody for now. The economist in me prevailed. I was thinking of my marginal utility and instead of spending time outside with friends, I chose to treat my family. We ate our sumptuous dinner and I was also happy because the vcds that I ordered from manila have arrived. I was happy since I finally got the vcds that I so wanted to have plus I was ecstatic because I got freebies from being a regular customer.

We watched shows in the television and they grew tired of the shows so ended up all alone. I have the tv all to myself and I was secretly happy. I was on schedule. I watched a Korean movie entitled "Daddy Long Legs" and I should say that I sobbed so hard in this movie. The movie was really very endearing and bitter-sweet. It teaches us not to look for love from afar because what we may be seeking for might be just in front of us. It teaches us not to hope and love unconditionally. It was really heartbreaking but at least she found what she really wanted. I am also watching the Japanese series named "nobuta wo produce" and a Taiwanese series called "it started with a kiss" the series are light drama and more on the lighter side. I managed to watch 4 cds of NWP and it was about 2:30 in the morning that I retired to my bed. I forgot that I was supposed to wake up before 6 o'clock in the morning to go to church. After going to church, I skipped breakfast in favor of getting my much needed sleep. I did sleep my way through breakfast. At around 11am, there were commotions all over. The sounds were a familiar scene every Sundays. It was actually my makukulit na pamangkins…they are so used to roaming around our house. After taking my lunch, I decided to take a nap since I decided to roam around the city for a bit. I decided to go to the mall but I ended up going to the net café instead. Although, I am so used to surfing the net day in and day out because of my work, I still can't get it out of my system. I'm an internet freak and I must admit, its my addiction right now. While I was surfing the net, I stumbled upon a Japanese drama named 1 litre of tears. I was curious of the title and the male actor was an added bonus. He was a sight to behold. The series was based on a true story about a 15 yr old girl who was afflicted with an incurable disease. She fought her way through the obstacles of her disease with her supportive family and the boy who made her feel love. It was really tear-jerking series. I cant help but cry. It was Sunday, and I was spared from the house chores because it was my rest from work and aside from that I bought pizza for the whole family (my psychological bribe to them). Tomorrow is another day's work and aside from that, our tv was in great distress due to the constant abuse of some people (ehem).. got to sleep for now..

I hope Monday is not just a manic Monday as the song goes but a fruitful Monday… PS – got a god news that a friend has come home from cebu.. Cant wait to meet up with some friends

I have never been in a very difficult situation before. Whenever things get out of hand, I will always find a way to conceal the difficulty that I am in. Whenever, these things happen, I would make it appear that I am cool and neither unaffected of the things around me. I would gladly put on a happy face. – happy face with a broken heart and spirit. It was suppose to be a night full of promise. A night full of great expectations that is, for  me. Having decided to spend a night with friends is surely very appealing for me specially because I get to see that one person that I so longed to see…

On that early Friday, I was stunned because I got off from bed late and was definitely panicky over being late from work. I had to rush things and thankfully, I was spared from being late from work by some divine plan.  Since, it was a Friday, I was pretty much in a good mood. I decided to do my work cheerfully with less worries. It was a Friday after all, I thought. The day went by quickly and I was happy for it was a stress free day for me. We had to cut the day's work because there was a power interruption in the city. Therefore, we were left to wander around the office (a good thing) but in total darkness (downside)… nonetheless, we were happy considering that we did not have to work never mind the mosquitoes roaming around in search of their preys….

5:15pm – the happiest time for a worker like me finally has arrived. I immediately logged out from work and excused my self from the groups of acquaintances I was talking with. I needed to get home, I explained. I decided to head home with a group of friends and as usual I was on a pleasant mode. We were laughing carelessly as we ride along the jeepney. Talking non stop and just taking the time to laugh our hearts out.

6:30pm – I was suppose to meet the younger brother of a friend at a mall. Since I arrived earlier, I decided to make a quick stop over at stalls looking stuffs that I may buy in the near future.  I was haggling and scavenging for stuff that are beautiful yet are on my budget. After meeting with the younger brother of my friend, I headed home to eat my dinner and to take a nap. I was disappointed because I ended up not eating any dinner at all and not taking a nap.

 8:30 pm was suppose to be the set time to meet with my friends. But blaming it on my being a Filipino, I rose up from bed at the same time. A friend of mine was in but of a hurry and she decided  to head home instead of meeting with us. It was not suppose to be that way as I recall. It was suppose to be us going out for drinks and catching up on our lives. A friend of mine and I decided to just to chat at a nearby café…

Balisong

Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes.
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control.
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul

Never in my life have I been more sure.
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before.
You're everything I wanted and more.

To speak or not to; where to begin.
The way dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend.
I try to tell myself wake up fool; this fairy tale's got to end.

"Never in my life have I been more sure.
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before.
You're everything I wanted [more]." [2x]

You're everything I wanted.

 Note:

The lines remind me of the feeling I had way way back… <tsk tsk>

Just cannot wait to feel this way again – "to be crazy and be just miserable as well"

I just love these lines…

So this one's for you…

NOTHING COMPARES 2 U
(SINEAD O'CONNOR)

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since u took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since u took your love away
Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
It's been so lonely without u here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better have fun
No matter what u do
But he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
All the flowers that u planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when u went away
I know that living with u baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
Nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
Nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
Nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u

notes:
darn .. its just really hard to look forward to the future when one is still living in the past.
cant help thinkin' .. a lot of questions crossed my mind'
unsolicited feelings resurfacing
memories that seem to play back and forth
seem to keep teasin me
hurting me all over again
dont wanna live in the dark anymore
i need to breathe -- to live once more
not to bleed but to live.....

The film tells the story of a male college student (Cha Tae-Hyun) and a girl (Jun Ji-hyun) whose name is never given. Our male protagonist, Gyeon-woo, does not seem to be able to catch a break. His romantic prospects are so pathetic that even his mother tries to get into the act, telling him to go visit his aunt so he can get hooked up with a girl. Gyeon-woo has more pride than that so he refuses. He goes to the train station for a ride home. This is where he sees the Girl, stone drunk and standing precariously close to the edge of the train. He pulls her to safety just in time. She does not seem very appreciative.

Inside the train, Gyeon-woo cannot help but stare at this girl (who he is slightly attracted to but repulsed by her drunkenness) who wavers back and forth. Finally, she throws up on an old man, calls Gyeon-woo "honey" and drops like a sack of potatoes. Gyeon-woo, confused, carries her all the way to the nearest motel. While he is showering, her phone rings and he answers it, foolishly informing the person on the other end where he is, and is soon received by a pair of police officers. A short struggle later, he is taken to jail.

He eventually gets out but that morning the Girl calls him out to a café, where he spills to her the entire story of the night before. She seemed somewhat irritated by this and drags Gyeon-woo off to a bar, where she gets hammered again, resulting yet another trip to the same exact motel. Being more intelligent this time, Gyeon-woo does not take a shower.

The Girl is a fierce character. After this second overnight stay at the motel, she seeks Gyeon-woo out at class. Faced with a old and feisty teacher, she succeeds in getting him out of class by claiming to be on the way to an abortion, with him being the father. Her plan a success, she takes Gyeon-woo to the theme park to enjoy themselves.

She is an aspiring scriptwriter, giving Gyeon-woo three different looks at genres. The first is an action movie - "The Demolition Terminator" - which switches gender roles, symbolically having the Girl save her helpless lover (Gyeon-woo). The second is a wild perversion of one of Gyeon-woo's beloved melodramas in which the Girl, having died, asks that her lover be buried along with her, even alive. The resulting situation is quite humorous. The last is a wuxia/samurai movie spoof full of genre clichés and anachronisms. All three feature the same common thread: the Girl is from the future.

Despite all the horrible things Gyeon-woo endures, he is determined to stick with the Girl. He feels a pain inside her and wants to ease it. So no matter what happens, he bites his tongue and trudges on. Throughout the first half of the movie, she is resolute in her pain, dishing it out in plenty. But as the second half comes around, she begins to change. More of her vulnerability is apparent.

The second - and the more touching - half of the movie begins with the Girl waiting for Gyeon-woo after school lets out. She takes him out to the park and suddenly complains about the pain her high heels are causing her. In the subsequent conversation, she convinces Gyeon-woo to switch shoes with her. Overjoyed, she tells him to chase her around the park and which he does until it starts raining. They walk to her house where Gyeon-woo meets her parents, after which he overhears a massive argument between the Girl and her mother. Gyeon-woo does not hear from her for a long time.

For their 100th day, she calls him and asks him to bring her a rose during class. He does this, leading to a touching and romantic scene where he follows the beautiful music of Pachelbel to where she is. But the night unfolds further and again he is faced with her parents, the Girl herself unconscious for the third time. Her father, infuriated, arranges a break-up.

By now, Gyeon-woo realizes how special the Girl is. He is unwilling to let her go. Upon being summoned to scout her date, he is disheartened to be labeled as a mere friend. Broken, he leaves the date with 10 rules one must follow to make the Girl happy. Unbeknownst to Gyeon-woo, the Girl hears these 10 rules and rushes to find him. They meet once again in the train station.

She asks him to write a letter and bring it with him. There, she unveils a time capsule where their letters will go inside and be buried next to a tree on a mountain for two years. In two years, they shall meet again to read the letters. Then they separate.

Gyeon-woo finds himself on the mountain in two years but does not find her there with him. Depressed, he opens the time capsule, finds a frog inside, and takes out her letter to read. The Girl had a boyfriend at first, who did everything she ever wanted and more. Like Gyeon-woo, he brought her a rose on their 100th day and like Gyeon-woo, met her on the train. She was happy and content, planning their lives together under the very tree and taking long walks in the sunset next to the lake. His sudden death left her heartbroken. A year passes without her feeling any better, tortured by her lost love. Meeting Gyeon-woo only makes her feel worse because all the things she does to him causes her to fall more and more for him. And the memories in her heart cannot let her go. She finally concludes that if they are really meant to be together, fate shall bring them back.

One year after Gyeon-Woo visited the tree, the Girl finally comes. Sitting under the tree is an old man. Throughout the conversation, the old man is very interested to find out why the Girl was one year late. The old man is Gyeon-Woo from the future. There are two explanations why the old Gyeon-Woo wants to find out why the Girl was one year late: (1) The Girl and Gyeon-Woo got married in the end but the Girl still refuses to tell him why she was one year late. (2) The Girl broke up with Gyeon-Woo again and he never found out why she was one year late. Throughout the movie, the relationship between Gyun-Woo and the Girl is a on-off bittersweet affair.

After the old man tells the Girl the touching story of the tree getting replaced by Gyeon-Woo (his younger self), the old man disappears and the Girl looks at the sky.. a tiny UFO flying across the sky and then vanishing. The Girl had mentioned a few times that she wished to meet someone from the future. Her wish is granted by the old Gyeon-Woo from the future.

After her encounter with the UFO, she proceeds to the place where her ex-boyfriend died from drowning. In a deleted scene from the director's cut, she throws the necklace into the sea. This symbolises that she has finally accepted Gyeon-Woo and put memories of her dead ex-boyfriend aside.

Near the end of the film when Gyeon-Woo opens the time capsule to read the Girl's letter, we find out that her ex-boyfriend died from drowning in a lake and that she and his mother makes a trip there each year in remembrance of the tragic event. She also says that her ex-boyfriend's mother has been trying to introduce someone to her so that she will move on.

Her ex-boyfriend's mother is actually Gyeon-Woo's aunt who since the beginning of the film wanted to introduce him to "a girl." Her short conversation with the Girl at the cafe, near the end of the film, before Gyeon-Woo arrives confirms this. Gyeon-Woo is actually the cousin of the Girl's ex-boyfriend.

In the final scene, they come full circle when they each realize that the one person they have been declining to meet over the years is the one person they have always wanted to see again, the one person that they had always been with before the break-up.